February 2012
32 posts
good vibrations: sitting on the gym floor, she feels it every time he dribbles that ball. you can actually feel it, the floor vibrates a little. he stands there, shoots the ball, it goes right in and her thighs quiver a little. he’s got this red stain on his upper lip. maybe it’s from a fruity drink or a popsicle stick. like a vampire, like a god, like everything to which she’s...
two cross-eyed star-lovers. she told me on friday that i reminded her of her husband. i had a dream that night she was dying of pancreatic cancer. i lost my virginity after school the next day to a married, pregnant woman. i felt happy but ugly. i bet she did too. under fluorescent lights. two very different desperations. i didn’t tell her about my dream.
he put his hand on my shoulder and said “do you want me to skip you? you look scared.” i said “no, it’s okay” and i smiled.
comedy routine: so listen when i was 9 or 10 years old i met this kid at summer camp named jackson michaels no i’m kidding i haven’t met anyone named jackson michaels yet. a joke about how illegal mexican immigrants shouldn’t be saying the pledge of allegiance, they should be spraying lemon pledge on my wooden floor. michael jacks on michael jacks off
we saw “toy story 3.” my brother cried at the scene where the toys were going into that fire pit. i think my mom and my sister cried too. maybe my dad got choked up. i think i read something about dropping an atomic bomb on japanese children. or something like that. i think i read something about, like, iraqi torture in a magazine once. or i saw a picture. crying when a cartoon of a...
i only like warm water on my skin and cold water for drinking, i hate when it’s the other way around but it’s sinful to complain. i remember learning to blow bubbles, i remember learning to blow smoke a little later on. there’s a part of me that’s excited. occasionally i’ll be able to pop open my gums and they’ll bleed and i’ll be really happy. it tastes...
there’s a math teacher at my school named mr. bonn. this kid called mr. bonn by his first name, he was walking past him in the hallway and he said “hey dennis.” mr. bonn said “hey come over here,” he leaned in close to the kid and he told him if they weren’t on school grounds he’d break both his legs and he wouldn’t be able to walk again. the only...
mothersbreast:
“he’s gone.” yelling between a car door and twenty feet of a parking lot. “what?” and at that point i wonder if we cared more that we had to drive an hour to that hospital, or if we cared that he had just died after it being inevitable for the past week. “he died.” when really everyone knew it was inevitable the second he was born.
Anonymous asked: everything you do is so beautiful i wish i could find someone like you in my life
spacepopstar asked: you're so talented
Anonymous asked: you're such a genius; it makes my heart ache
Anonymous asked: why don't you go online more often?
Anonymous asked: okay, but it's going to take a while since i live on the other side of the planet. and i don't know which house you live in. /ovtj
Anonymous asked: what is your name?
driving up the causeway, we’re behind a shiny car. in the passenger seat, my sister is driving, i’m staring at the ichthys bumper sticker on the back of this shiny car. i’m thinking about why a fish would be a symbol for christianity. i’m thinking about how a fish in water represents the mystery of jesus christ’s virginal birth. i’m thinking about how a fish...
Anonymous asked: yeah you have even weirder thoughts than I do. that's cool though
Anonymous asked: you seem like the love child of eric & dylan or something? you gonna shoot up your school too?
Anonymous asked: i wanted to say your words come with this sort of weighty honesty. it's nothing like burden, but a heavy comfort i think i could fall asleep. the image of a lead xray apron comes to mind. i may be floating, it's not made out to be what they think. i'm the skim rising to the top of the surface, i'm going down the drain. i'm none of it. i'm still alex. i don't...
Anonymous asked: you are so beautiful. i wish you would publish everything you've ever written in a small hardcover book and i would read little parts from it everyday.
they say your life flashes before your eyes when you’re dying. today i was sitting alone and i saw my father and my grandfather smoking cigarettes on the other side of the room, they were both staring at me. i had a dream two nights ago that my mother was giving me a bubble bath and she was singing to me. maybe i’m dying, maybe i’m becoming an adult. i don’t know yet.
my mother’s tears are simply not enough to put out the flames on this cross. the last thing i saw before i died was water. there’s something funny about that. water on the cheek of the woman who birthed me. there’s just something funny about that don’t you think.
January 2012
47 posts
a while ago on here i said something about the word “you” being very big and vague to me. i want to talk about that a little more. i see everyone other than myself as one person. i see them as exactly the same; a quality i’ve developed through my isolation. it’s probably wrong. i can’t help it. and when i say “you can’t decide to like me” - i’m...
he drew mermaids on his sneakers, this redhead kid from my school. he drew mermaids on his sneakers with permanent marker. they had nipples. he drew two little dots with permanent marker. every woman is a mermaid. this summer my father had to carry my mother down the stairs and put her in the car but i didn’t watch, i was standing in the kitchen. time really does go by slowly for a 16...
i remember seeing a newspaper and there was this big picture of a football player who died in afghanistan printed on it, it said “remember his name” in big text. i was standing far away, i couldn’t see his name. i just saw the picture they had of him in his football uniform and i saw the number on his jersey was 40. r.i.p 40, you are a true american hero. you are an inspiration...
i had a dream last night that someone was touching my forehead, they kept rubbing it and i was telling them to stop but really i didn’t want them to stop.
my grandfather is in the hospital and he will die tomorrow morning, i think. he was left on the floor for two days. he told his obedient second wife not to call 911 and she listened. my mother told her on the phone “think for yourself. you do not listen to a man who’s lying on your kitchen floor.”
childclown asked: Your writing is fantastic, it's always nice to see someone write in an esoteric way without all the excess tumblr jargon. I enjoy it, and you're also very handsome as well. Cherish your youth and beauty, Dorian Gray.
a boy in a backwards hat and a t-shirt, standing on a sidewalk in 40-degree weather, is crying about something. or maybe his eyes are just all watery from the cold wind. it’s way too cold out to be wearing only a t-shirt. i don’t know, it looks like he’s crying. i wonder why he’s crying. maybe his dog died.
when you’re as isolated as i am it’s natural to drift back and forth between feeling extremely superior and inferior from everyone you see, because you’ve never known where you belong. nobody has treated you any particular way. nobody has ever known you exist. and i appreciate myself too much to die but it seems i also appreciate myself too much to live here. and one time in...
there’s this german kid with these wispy black hairs on his chin who used to be blonde when he was younger and who’s blind in one eye in my american history class. he was talking about his grandfather to the kid sitting next to him he said “my granddad’s got some fucked up stories” - well, he was whispering - his grandfather was a nazi and he said he was stationed at...
flamer a short story by devin dicaprio
I’ve got a lot of acne on my face and on the back of my neck. I have red hair but I keep it shaved. I can’t wait for it to turn gray. I hope maybe I’ll bald prematurely. Sometimes I pray. It was a lot longer when I was younger. I used to skateboard in the Best Buy parking lot alone on Sunday nights when I was around 11. I used to have to always,...
Anonymous asked: i would be interested to read 5 pages worth of what you're going through. i love your posts, they are so creative, insightful, intimate. you are a beautiful person, i wish someone could treat you how you deserve to be treated
i’ve never cried at a movie before but once i got teary-eyed watching an episode of “america’s funniest home videos.” i was in my mom’s bed watching it with her maybe three summers ago and i don’t know it was just this footage of like a boy in a black t-shirt standing by a lake or something.
these are the characters in a short story that i’m going to start writing right now.